and it all comes tumbling down..
winter is not my season.. in fact, sun-less days are not my thing at all! I could be living on the equator, strutting around in nothing more than a bikini and sarong but if the sun slips behind the clouds, my spirit droops!
I don't want it to! believe me, life would be much easier if I weren't so tuned into my surroundings!
so this winter I am 40 years old, I am single and I am virtually unemployed.. how do you think I feel about that!?
I have to admit I don't really care about being 40 only because I don't yet look anywhere near 40.. i'm not too fussed about being single because I've always held the belief that i'd rather be alone than with someone who wasn't right for me.. and the last someone who I thought was so right for me stormed off with nary a 'thank you' and I haven't seen or heard from him again.. so it turns out he wasn't right for me afterall..
but the employment aspect is starting to get me a little worried! the little money I earn from photo shoots is barely enough to pay my bills, buy food and the occasional pair of cute boots or dress.. no longer do I live the days of extravagant spending, overseas holidays and wasteful living! and it worries me! what if I want an overseas holiday? my finances are so low that I no longer have a cushion to fall back on!
but then, no longer am I stressed to my back teeth with the pressures of work! I don't carry the stomach aches I used to have from being so uptight and anxious at work.. I don't have food intolerances or body pains that I used to get from sitting at my computer for hours, tapping out very important documents with ridiculous deadlines..
so I guess i'm feeling a bit like i'm at the crossroads right now.. do I go back to my high pressure career? do I take a more mediocre/less paying job? do I persevere with my photographic business and attempt to build it and sell it until I make millions?
i'm living the dream life but without an income I can barely enjoy it, even in a city as beautiful and diverse as Melbourne!
Saturday 17 August 2013
Saturday 1 June 2013
stormy saturday ramble
Some wiley weekend weather in Melbourne.
A gorgeous thunderstorm hit the CBD around 9.30pm last night, following freezing cold torrential rain. From the snugness of my couch, I could hear the thunder claps - boy were they loud! The girls out for a night in the CBD let scream following some of the unearthly cracks, testament to how unnervingly loud the storm was.
Once the storm passed, the drenching rain. I felt as though I were asleep in warm heavenly clouds listening to the soothing trickle of rain outside my bedroom window. And not a drunken expletive to be heard!
Tonight I find myself once again on the couch, tonight nursing a sore throat with manuka honey and hot lemon while watching That 70s Show! The city is quiet, too cold and wet and well, if I can just be frank, plain old miserable to be out! If I were a younger gal, I'd probably still be getting dressed to the nines (read: skimpiest wear possible) to shelter in a cool club til the early hours. What am I saying? I did that just a few weeks ago.. ?
As I work through my DVDs and google 'photoshop tips and tricks', I reflect on my life to date. This blog in some ways, works as a way to mark time for me. Recall I started this blog as a way of dealing with a very sad break up late last year. I still feel occasionally sad about the loss, in fact, disproportionately sad about it, given the few months we had together.
But here I am, surviving and shit. Better than surviving! I quit my shitty job that I hated and started my own business doing something I love! Despite the erratic income and working hours, I walk the street smiling like I have not done in such a long time! Feeling happy! Really happy! I think this is what comes with not just surviving, but thriving!
And no, it's not about money or material things. It really is about feeding the soul with those things we love - working with good people and being with close friends; sleeping with my soft purring kitty and baking treats; sharing drinks and nibbles with neighbours at odd hours and always getting excellent feedback on my photographic work.
Everyday I 100% make my own decisions for my own life. On the streets and on trams and trains, I no longer feel creepy about approaching interesting people to ask if I may photograph them in my studio. I accept (and sometimes I refuse) bookings for shoots. I catch up for coffee with who I want, whenever I want. It is wonderful to finally be establishing my own place in the world without being told who to do it with and how and when.. I strongly recommend everyone do it!
I spoke to my friend today and she told me she is lonely for a man to settle with. I am finally in a space in my life where I can smile understandingly but not feel that way myself.
This sea eagle is not ready to settle! There are still so many horizons to explore!
A gorgeous thunderstorm hit the CBD around 9.30pm last night, following freezing cold torrential rain. From the snugness of my couch, I could hear the thunder claps - boy were they loud! The girls out for a night in the CBD let scream following some of the unearthly cracks, testament to how unnervingly loud the storm was.
Once the storm passed, the drenching rain. I felt as though I were asleep in warm heavenly clouds listening to the soothing trickle of rain outside my bedroom window. And not a drunken expletive to be heard!
Tonight I find myself once again on the couch, tonight nursing a sore throat with manuka honey and hot lemon while watching That 70s Show! The city is quiet, too cold and wet and well, if I can just be frank, plain old miserable to be out! If I were a younger gal, I'd probably still be getting dressed to the nines (read: skimpiest wear possible) to shelter in a cool club til the early hours. What am I saying? I did that just a few weeks ago.. ?
As I work through my DVDs and google 'photoshop tips and tricks', I reflect on my life to date. This blog in some ways, works as a way to mark time for me. Recall I started this blog as a way of dealing with a very sad break up late last year. I still feel occasionally sad about the loss, in fact, disproportionately sad about it, given the few months we had together.
But here I am, surviving and shit. Better than surviving! I quit my shitty job that I hated and started my own business doing something I love! Despite the erratic income and working hours, I walk the street smiling like I have not done in such a long time! Feeling happy! Really happy! I think this is what comes with not just surviving, but thriving!
And no, it's not about money or material things. It really is about feeding the soul with those things we love - working with good people and being with close friends; sleeping with my soft purring kitty and baking treats; sharing drinks and nibbles with neighbours at odd hours and always getting excellent feedback on my photographic work.
Everyday I 100% make my own decisions for my own life. On the streets and on trams and trains, I no longer feel creepy about approaching interesting people to ask if I may photograph them in my studio. I accept (and sometimes I refuse) bookings for shoots. I catch up for coffee with who I want, whenever I want. It is wonderful to finally be establishing my own place in the world without being told who to do it with and how and when.. I strongly recommend everyone do it!
I spoke to my friend today and she told me she is lonely for a man to settle with. I am finally in a space in my life where I can smile understandingly but not feel that way myself.
This sea eagle is not ready to settle! There are still so many horizons to explore!
Monday 20 May 2013
CASTING CALL
If you live in Melbourne and would like to be a part of my next photographic exhibition, please drop me a line!
In line with my company motto: daring photography for fearless folk, I am looking for individuals outside the mainstream who are not afraid of what people think of them or how they'll be perceived.
Right now, I require two gay men aged under 25 for close clean shots. In exchange for time, you'll get a bunch of images on USB to own, print, publish as you want.
Let me know! No model experience necessary.
In line with my company motto: daring photography for fearless folk, I am looking for individuals outside the mainstream who are not afraid of what people think of them or how they'll be perceived.
Right now, I require two gay men aged under 25 for close clean shots. In exchange for time, you'll get a bunch of images on USB to own, print, publish as you want.
Let me know! No model experience necessary.
Tuesday 30 April 2013
Aw Myki you're so fine!
Okay okay let me confess a couple misnomers.
In the first place, Myki - Melbourne's new-tangled state-of-the-art, you-beaut, straight-to-the-pool-room ticketing system for public transport.. well, it's not all that fine.
As you get on or into your chosen mode of public transportation, despite what the signs say, you HOLD not touch, your card, to the bright yellow box and wait for the 'bip!' to let you know you've paid. If you're quick, you'll see your remaining balance on the teeny screen.
Whatever you do, don't hold it there again because the machine is quite liable to just charge you again. I know I know, Public Transport Victoria (PTV) say this doesn't happen, but after I managed to burn through over $20 from two zone 1 travels, well, you can imagine how dubious I am about the electronic charging system.
Also, in relation to the fine-ness or thereabouts of the Myki.. according to my post title, based on the original track sung by Toni Basil, she sings about a boy called Micky. Like Mikki. Like Mickie. Not Mikey - like Mike with a drawn out eeeee, which is what the tickets are called.
Not sure why. And to be truthful, at the moment I'm not all that interested in finding out! But if any of you, dear readers, would like to find out and give me the summary dot point, that would be totally ace!
In fact, while you're at it, perhaps you could let me know how Myki charges fares of its unsuspecting customers. I find myself burning through wads of cash to keep up with keeping the Princess Myki. It has made me consider expending the considerable wealth I've put into Myki, on a luxury European car to carry the Princess around in because I think it would cost me less!
It seems that every time I touch on, I am charged for my last fare. It also seems that, as the ads say there's no need to touch off, that when I do touch on, my Myki assumes that I've been travelling since the last time it touched.
See all the happy PTV customers!? You can see how maintaining the Princess Myki is costly!
It's strange, pampering and pandering to Princess Myki. I always hoped I'd be the one darling Princess in any given relationship. Instead, it seems I'm the schmuck!!
In the first place, Myki - Melbourne's new-tangled state-of-the-art, you-beaut, straight-to-the-pool-room ticketing system for public transport.. well, it's not all that fine.
As you get on or into your chosen mode of public transportation, despite what the signs say, you HOLD not touch, your card, to the bright yellow box and wait for the 'bip!' to let you know you've paid. If you're quick, you'll see your remaining balance on the teeny screen.
Whatever you do, don't hold it there again because the machine is quite liable to just charge you again. I know I know, Public Transport Victoria (PTV) say this doesn't happen, but after I managed to burn through over $20 from two zone 1 travels, well, you can imagine how dubious I am about the electronic charging system.
Not sure why. And to be truthful, at the moment I'm not all that interested in finding out! But if any of you, dear readers, would like to find out and give me the summary dot point, that would be totally ace!
In fact, while you're at it, perhaps you could let me know how Myki charges fares of its unsuspecting customers. I find myself burning through wads of cash to keep up with keeping the Princess Myki. It has made me consider expending the considerable wealth I've put into Myki, on a luxury European car to carry the Princess around in because I think it would cost me less!
It seems that every time I touch on, I am charged for my last fare. It also seems that, as the ads say there's no need to touch off, that when I do touch on, my Myki assumes that I've been travelling since the last time it touched.
See all the happy PTV customers!? You can see how maintaining the Princess Myki is costly!
It's strange, pampering and pandering to Princess Myki. I always hoped I'd be the one darling Princess in any given relationship. Instead, it seems I'm the schmuck!!
Wednesday 17 April 2013
Love It Here!
Melbourne in the autumn is the best time of year!
In addition, the worlds funniest people descend on the CBD for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival!
If you haven't already been, there are SO many acts, there's something for everyone! It's worth remembering the big name acts come with a bigger ticket price. But why not check out the Aussie acts, just as funny but they make for a cheap nite out! And you can see more acts for your money!
The Athaneum offer $5 comedy nites with 4-5 decently hilarious comedians strutting their stuff on stage. Best part is, you can have dinner and/or a few drinks while watching the acts because the stage is in a big ol' bar with Hogwarts style tables running in rows across the room.
Don't forget the little venues out of the CBD in those funky inner city suburbs like Brunswick and Richmond which are already cool for an easy nite out but now, with comedy acts on top!
In fact, I was at a FREE comedy night in Richmond last week. They staged 6 comedy acts per nite and as it was being hosted at a pub, there was pub grub and booze available at very pub (reasonable) prices.
And you know another thing.. it was miserable and raining all day Monday and into the nite. That was a good nite for keeping warm in flanny PJs on the couch. But, being Melbourne, the next day was sunny, surprisingly warm and the balmy climate extended into the late evening meaning it was perfectly suited to be out and about, catching a few laughs and having a few drinks.
Oh Melbourne, is there nothing you can't do!
In addition, the worlds funniest people descend on the CBD for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival!
If you haven't already been, there are SO many acts, there's something for everyone! It's worth remembering the big name acts come with a bigger ticket price. But why not check out the Aussie acts, just as funny but they make for a cheap nite out! And you can see more acts for your money!
The Athaneum offer $5 comedy nites with 4-5 decently hilarious comedians strutting their stuff on stage. Best part is, you can have dinner and/or a few drinks while watching the acts because the stage is in a big ol' bar with Hogwarts style tables running in rows across the room.
Don't forget the little venues out of the CBD in those funky inner city suburbs like Brunswick and Richmond which are already cool for an easy nite out but now, with comedy acts on top!
In fact, I was at a FREE comedy night in Richmond last week. They staged 6 comedy acts per nite and as it was being hosted at a pub, there was pub grub and booze available at very pub (reasonable) prices.
And you know another thing.. it was miserable and raining all day Monday and into the nite. That was a good nite for keeping warm in flanny PJs on the couch. But, being Melbourne, the next day was sunny, surprisingly warm and the balmy climate extended into the late evening meaning it was perfectly suited to be out and about, catching a few laughs and having a few drinks.
Oh Melbourne, is there nothing you can't do!
Monday 15 April 2013
Palm Oil? No!
This blog entry contains graphic images. Please consider before viewing.
I know it's depressing but I have to speak up about this. I really love animals. And children. And the occasional elderly person. They all have value, are inspiring and amazing living being and are vulnerable.
Being the Cancerian gal that I am, I have a tendency toward taking things under my wing - usually the down and out, downtrodden underdogs of society. I'm not even just talking about individuals. My chosen football team are perpetually trying to win and I do tend to support the awkward, dorky and perserverant, the ones you want to give a 'Good Try' sticker!
But jokes aside, this whole palm oil thing just has to stop.
I see photos of orang-utans and they break my heart. They don't even have to be living in the forests of Borneo. But to know that their gentle souls and very existence is being threatened by nothing more than greed absolutely sickens me!!
The images here are graphic and unpleasant but they tell the wider world the truth of just how cheap palm oil is. How a population can call itself human and allow this to happen is disgusting. I'm not even exaggerating when I say I'm embarrassed to be categorised in the same species as the people who have done this to defenceless peaceful beings. And it outrages me that it continues to happen, like there is nothing we can do to stop it.
So how do we stop it? Deforestation of palm trees has been occurring for longer than I'd like to admit, before the cameras of the world shined a lens on their inhumane and murderous work. And still, the governments that govern these countries do nothing to prevent these obscene murders from occurring. Legislation can skim through parliaments quickly when there's money greasing those notes. Sadly for the orang-utans, the grease is on the wrong money.
Personally, I'm voting with my feet. Today's grocery shop was the first time I went into a market informed on how to identify palm oil or potential palm oil in products. And you need to inform yourself because producers are a sneaky bunch and seem reluctant to state when they do use palm oil.
Be especially astute with regard to products containing vegetable oil. If the label states vegetable oil and then goes on to state the amount of saturated fat you can count on that vegetable oil being either palm kernel oil, palm oil or coconut oil. This is a way of potentially identifying if a product has palm oil in it as other vegetable oils are not saturated.
And I have to say, if you shop this way, not only is it good for the orang-utans for the world to demand less product containing their only food source. But it is also good because much of my purchases today were fresh produce with hardly anything fatty or unhealthy! No more chocolate or Doritos for me.
According to the WWF:
"If your shopping basket includes packaged products like bread, biscuits, chocolate, chips, sandwich spreads, instant noodles, shower cream and shampoo, then it’s likely you are buying palm oil.
Palm oil and its derivatives are present in half of all packaged foods on our shelves. This is because it is stable at room temperature and has a longer shelf life than butter or other vegetable oils.
Palm oil is used as a shortening to make biscuits and breads. It is also used for deep fat frying. Palm oil derivatives can be used in cosmetics because they make products like shampoo creamier."
Some manufacturers have started using palm oil for sustainable sources which are better for the environment in terms of deforestation, greenhouse gas emission and habitat destruction. You can find out more information about these companies and their work at:
Cosmetics absolutely MUST state if they are using palm oil, so if you find Elaeis oleifera or Elaeis guineensis amongst the ingredients, you may like to reconsider where you're putting your money.
More information:
http://www.palmoilaction.org.au/shopping-guide.html
http://www.orangutan.org.au/index.htm
http://www.wwf.org.au/our_work/saving_the_natural_world/forests/palm_oil/
I know it's depressing but I have to speak up about this. I really love animals. And children. And the occasional elderly person. They all have value, are inspiring and amazing living being and are vulnerable.
Being the Cancerian gal that I am, I have a tendency toward taking things under my wing - usually the down and out, downtrodden underdogs of society. I'm not even just talking about individuals. My chosen football team are perpetually trying to win and I do tend to support the awkward, dorky and perserverant, the ones you want to give a 'Good Try' sticker!
But jokes aside, this whole palm oil thing just has to stop.
I see photos of orang-utans and they break my heart. They don't even have to be living in the forests of Borneo. But to know that their gentle souls and very existence is being threatened by nothing more than greed absolutely sickens me!!
The images here are graphic and unpleasant but they tell the wider world the truth of just how cheap palm oil is. How a population can call itself human and allow this to happen is disgusting. I'm not even exaggerating when I say I'm embarrassed to be categorised in the same species as the people who have done this to defenceless peaceful beings. And it outrages me that it continues to happen, like there is nothing we can do to stop it.
 |
| orang-utan buried during deforestation clearing |
 |
| orang-utan badly beaten by villagers for eating precious$$$ palm seeds - note his arms over his head, attempting to protect himself |
If we treated our pets this badly, we'd be up on criminal charges. And yet, these living beings can suffer horribly and the perpetrators get away with it. No doubt because the perpetrators have money and money equals power. And that is the abject stupidity of it. When all is said and done, these peaceful beings were murdered for money, nothing more, nothing less.
So how do we stop it? Deforestation of palm trees has been occurring for longer than I'd like to admit, before the cameras of the world shined a lens on their inhumane and murderous work. And still, the governments that govern these countries do nothing to prevent these obscene murders from occurring. Legislation can skim through parliaments quickly when there's money greasing those notes. Sadly for the orang-utans, the grease is on the wrong money.
Personally, I'm voting with my feet. Today's grocery shop was the first time I went into a market informed on how to identify palm oil or potential palm oil in products. And you need to inform yourself because producers are a sneaky bunch and seem reluctant to state when they do use palm oil.
Be especially astute with regard to products containing vegetable oil. If the label states vegetable oil and then goes on to state the amount of saturated fat you can count on that vegetable oil being either palm kernel oil, palm oil or coconut oil. This is a way of potentially identifying if a product has palm oil in it as other vegetable oils are not saturated.
And I have to say, if you shop this way, not only is it good for the orang-utans for the world to demand less product containing their only food source. But it is also good because much of my purchases today were fresh produce with hardly anything fatty or unhealthy! No more chocolate or Doritos for me.
According to the WWF:
"If your shopping basket includes packaged products like bread, biscuits, chocolate, chips, sandwich spreads, instant noodles, shower cream and shampoo, then it’s likely you are buying palm oil.
Palm oil and its derivatives are present in half of all packaged foods on our shelves. This is because it is stable at room temperature and has a longer shelf life than butter or other vegetable oils.
Palm oil is used as a shortening to make biscuits and breads. It is also used for deep fat frying. Palm oil derivatives can be used in cosmetics because they make products like shampoo creamier."
Some manufacturers have started using palm oil for sustainable sources which are better for the environment in terms of deforestation, greenhouse gas emission and habitat destruction. You can find out more information about these companies and their work at:
Cosmetics absolutely MUST state if they are using palm oil, so if you find Elaeis oleifera or Elaeis guineensis amongst the ingredients, you may like to reconsider where you're putting your money.
More information:
http://www.palmoilaction.org.au/shopping-guide.html
http://www.orangutan.org.au/index.htm
http://www.wwf.org.au/our_work/saving_the_natural_world/forests/palm_oil/
The Overview Effect
So I'd found a new website called Listverse. Okay, it's probably not a new site per se, but it was new to me! And joy of joys, it's completely categorised everything into list form! How awesome is that!?
Some of the lists are a tad inane - Top 10 Pregnant Celebrities - I mean, everyone knows Kim Kardashian is big enough to fill the entire top 10. And before you think I meant physically, I mean EGO people! She has the biggest unjustifiably enormous ego for reasons I still cannot fathom.
Almost as big as her pregnant Orca girth!! Aaaaaah hahahaha..
Almost as big as her pregnant Orca girth!! Aaaaaah hahahaha..
Meow!! Hiss!
(Or should that have been a whale song?)
So anyways.. some of the lists are a little cerebral hors d'vours, feeding the mind with something a little delicious and tantalising amongst the candy-filled junk!
Lists like:
- 10 Insane Cases of Genetic Engineering (glow in the dark cats anybody?)
- Tips for Surviving a Bear Encounter (not a huge necessity in Melbourne CBD.. but I digress)
- 10 Reasons the War on Drugs is Killing You (not sure, yet to see the list, but I am intruigued!)
- 10 Sensory Marketing Tricks Companies Use on You (grr companies! you clever bastards!)
Then 10 More Fascinating Scientific and Psychological Effects. Amongst the Allee Effect; the Bruce Effect and the Leidenfrost Effect, there was the Overview Effect. I don't know why, somehow I just found it the most fascinating and inspiring effect of all!
The website stated that the Overview Effect has to be the least common psychological effect as only 534 people have ever experienced the conditions that lead to it. Discouraging huh!
The Overview Effect happens when astronauts in orbit or on the surface of the moon first see the Earth in its entirety. Amazing!!
Many report feeling a deep sense of scale and perspective and this is what is called the Overview Effect. The effect can be deeply moving, confusing, inspiring, and emotionally challenging, as a view of the entire Earth changes one’s perspective in a profound way. Astronauts have returned home with a renewed sense of the way we’re all connected, of the relative meaninglessness of cultural boundaries, and a desire to take care of the Earth’s environment.
Strangely, these are the same feelings related by people who experience Near Death Experiences. I guess the sense of something bigger, the feeling of our own insignificance, does something to the way we see ourselves or our world, in time and space. It creates a new perspective on life; it seems to lead to a renewed lifestyle; a different approach to life and a reprioritisation as to what is important.
Which is why I hope that I get to experience the Overview Effect before I die. And I think it would only be a good thing for all our world leaders, at the very least, have the opportunity to get out there and experience the same thing.
Can you imagine how different our world would be if our leaders actually cared about our sweet fragile earth!? I'm going to write Richard Branson right now. He's just avant garde enough to understand what I'm on about. He's also funding a space ship.
What do you think? Too crazy? Check it out for yourself:
http://listverse.com/2013/04/14/10-more-fascinating-scientific-and-psychological-effects/
The website stated that the Overview Effect has to be the least common psychological effect as only 534 people have ever experienced the conditions that lead to it. Discouraging huh!
Many report feeling a deep sense of scale and perspective and this is what is called the Overview Effect. The effect can be deeply moving, confusing, inspiring, and emotionally challenging, as a view of the entire Earth changes one’s perspective in a profound way. Astronauts have returned home with a renewed sense of the way we’re all connected, of the relative meaninglessness of cultural boundaries, and a desire to take care of the Earth’s environment.
Strangely, these are the same feelings related by people who experience Near Death Experiences. I guess the sense of something bigger, the feeling of our own insignificance, does something to the way we see ourselves or our world, in time and space. It creates a new perspective on life; it seems to lead to a renewed lifestyle; a different approach to life and a reprioritisation as to what is important.
Which is why I hope that I get to experience the Overview Effect before I die. And I think it would only be a good thing for all our world leaders, at the very least, have the opportunity to get out there and experience the same thing.
Can you imagine how different our world would be if our leaders actually cared about our sweet fragile earth!? I'm going to write Richard Branson right now. He's just avant garde enough to understand what I'm on about. He's also funding a space ship.
What do you think? Too crazy? Check it out for yourself:
http://listverse.com/2013/04/14/10-more-fascinating-scientific-and-psychological-effects/
Thursday 11 April 2013
Into the autumnal swing!
I love autumn!
Crisp mornings, warm sunny days, cool evenings.. Everything feels different.. Less intense than summer heat or winter cold.. Autumn has something about it, a lovely easiness that allows you to move comfortably. Autumn is the jeans-n-white-cotton-tshirt of all the seasons..
I do love summer weather.. Love the heat and perspiration.. Love the need for less clothes more sunscreen.. In summer I feel like a lover let go, abandon my body to the sun, clad in bikini and lying upon a beach, it's no wonder I feel sacrificial..
And spring, nope, the dead grip of winter still has a hold on spring.
Today as I strolled the south bank, along the Yarra, everywhere the relieved faces of workers beginning to shed the working week and step into the weekend.
Seeing these faces cast my mind back to my own years of working the salt mine, er, office job. The haze of projectpapetdeadlinemeetingmeetingmeetingbriefingphonecallsministerialspapermeeting.. I quite literally remember being tired and rundown for 8 years. Falling sick at the slightest change in breeze. Scheduling in frantic stressful time to stop and smell the roses, taking a run at the figurative rosé garden and inhaling so deeply to fully take it all in, aphids and all.
But today, my first autumn as a free range human, strolling the promenade, enjoying the buskers and the sunshine, once again put into perspective for me, just how extraordinarily lucky I am to be living the life I have.
Life is rosy!
Crisp mornings, warm sunny days, cool evenings.. Everything feels different.. Less intense than summer heat or winter cold.. Autumn has something about it, a lovely easiness that allows you to move comfortably. Autumn is the jeans-n-white-cotton-tshirt of all the seasons..
I do love summer weather.. Love the heat and perspiration.. Love the need for less clothes more sunscreen.. In summer I feel like a lover let go, abandon my body to the sun, clad in bikini and lying upon a beach, it's no wonder I feel sacrificial..
And spring, nope, the dead grip of winter still has a hold on spring.
Today as I strolled the south bank, along the Yarra, everywhere the relieved faces of workers beginning to shed the working week and step into the weekend.
Seeing these faces cast my mind back to my own years of working the salt mine, er, office job. The haze of projectpapetdeadlinemeetingmeetingmeetingbriefingphonecallsministerialspapermeeting.. I quite literally remember being tired and rundown for 8 years. Falling sick at the slightest change in breeze. Scheduling in frantic stressful time to stop and smell the roses, taking a run at the figurative rosé garden and inhaling so deeply to fully take it all in, aphids and all.
Life is rosy!
Tuesday 9 April 2013
Tuesday!
I said it like 'TuuuuuesDAY!. Like all accusing like I mean it!
On Tuesday I ate a choc chip cookie and a lamington for breakfast.
On Tuesday I got cramps and FML..
On Tuesday my cat got himself stuck in the printer as my business name registration was printing..
And on Tuesday, I bent over to pick up a comb from the bathroom floor and massively bum-butted the narrow edge of the bathroom door. Like, square on, so it didn't swing shut or open, it just totally held its ground while my arse cheeks went 'bloooaaaaahhhhhh' in all their shuddering glory, against it.
Instead of storming off to bed with my hair undone, I sucked it in, glamourised my hair straight n shiny, shoved on a kickass pair of high heeled boots and as soon as the naprogesic kicks in, I'll be struttin' the streets of Melbourne.
Cos on Tuesday, I'm going to have Pancake Parlour pancakes for lunch!!
Yummmmmm :)
On Tuesday I ate a choc chip cookie and a lamington for breakfast.
On Tuesday I got cramps and FML..
On Tuesday my cat got himself stuck in the printer as my business name registration was printing..
And on Tuesday, I bent over to pick up a comb from the bathroom floor and massively bum-butted the narrow edge of the bathroom door. Like, square on, so it didn't swing shut or open, it just totally held its ground while my arse cheeks went 'bloooaaaaahhhhhh' in all their shuddering glory, against it.
Instead of storming off to bed with my hair undone, I sucked it in, glamourised my hair straight n shiny, shoved on a kickass pair of high heeled boots and as soon as the naprogesic kicks in, I'll be struttin' the streets of Melbourne.
Cos on Tuesday, I'm going to have Pancake Parlour pancakes for lunch!!
Yummmmmm :)
Sunday 31 March 2013
Farewell JCC
This blog is dedicated to my dear friend.
Rest In Peace J.C.C. xxx
Today I received a surprise email. The email popped up in my inbox and actually left me gob smacked. For two reasons.Rest In Peace J.C.C. xxx
The first reason is that the email came from an ex of long ago.. another life another time another me. It was strange to hear the formality of his words, difficult to marry the lilting language to how I remembered his voice to be.
My, how we have both grown since then. We must both sound like adults now!
The second and most powerful reason I was left dumbstruck is for the news he shared.. the sad sad passing of our dear close friend.
True, I knew him for less time than my ex knew him, but he was someone special in my memories, with whom I had shared close and happy times with. He was a character unlike anyone I'd ever met, with adventures and stories that blew my mind! Certainly he had lived a life of exhilaration and wonder, with enough tales to fill several books and regale guests and staff alike, at any establishment. He was a modest man that liked to smile and have a good hearty laugh, showing off sparkling eyes and a cheeky grin.
To recall those sweet summery times and now the untimely death, is a tragic juxtapositioning.
I sat here tonight alone, looking over photographs from that time.. a million memories jumbled like numbers in a twirling bingo basket, pinging off each other.. the good the bad and the ugly.. the human experience.
His death hurts my heart and leaves a heavy feeling upon my shoulders. But I'm happy for that. That someone could be so vibrant and lively in my life and affect me so many years on is a positive thing. I pray I can have such long lasting positive impact on someone somewhere and I hope that my ex can also find happiness in such a sad death.
Our lives are fleeting and fragile. Lets make the most of the time we have!
Namaste dear darlings, I truly do love you all
xox
Friday 29 March 2013
Reflections..
Sometimes my life just pulls me up short and makes me stop and take stock.
Sometimes life reigns me in and asks questions like:
'what are you doing!?'
'who do you think you are?'
'are you happy with who you are?'
'are you happy with what you're doing?'
This past week I've been painfully sifting through the remains of my life, coming to terms with what I have left.
A gold panning analogy is particularly good here, I feel like my life has been brutally scooped up, shaken, drowned and discarded like so much invaluable river sand. I'd like to say what is left is gold, and that's me. But that's where the gold panning analogy veers off from the reality. Although the physical bruises and aches have healed, I still feel emotionally battered.
I ask myself a hundred times a day:
am I as 'good' as I think I am!?
am I as easy going and sweet natured as I want to be?
do I come across wrong to other people?
what have I done to make my own brother hate me SO much?
And then, because of the absolute abandonment and betrayal by my closest blood relatives, I am distrustful and sceptical of anyone who claims to love or care about me. I push away anyone who tries to get close. I have convinced myself that attachment is a curse and I am much better off alone, doing my own thing.
I'll keep my friends for sure! But anything closer is an emotional time-bomb.
And right now, I feel determined and mad enough to stick with my belief that anyone I love, anyone I get attached to, anyone who claims to care about me, WILL walk away and abandon me.
And right now, I've had enough. Ugh, I know I sound angry. I am. I know I sound bitter. I am.
I've no tears left and my heart cannot hurt more than it already does.
I'm tired of being let down, treated like rubbish, taken advantage of.
I rarely feel so mad that I'd say 'fuck you all' to the world, but that is exactly what I feel like doing. Then crawling into a hole and hibernating for another long cold Melbourne winter.
Wake me when the sun is shining. I'm tired.
Sometimes life reigns me in and asks questions like:
'what are you doing!?'
'who do you think you are?'
'are you happy with who you are?'
'are you happy with what you're doing?'
This past week I've been painfully sifting through the remains of my life, coming to terms with what I have left.
A gold panning analogy is particularly good here, I feel like my life has been brutally scooped up, shaken, drowned and discarded like so much invaluable river sand. I'd like to say what is left is gold, and that's me. But that's where the gold panning analogy veers off from the reality. Although the physical bruises and aches have healed, I still feel emotionally battered.
I ask myself a hundred times a day:
am I as 'good' as I think I am!?
am I as easy going and sweet natured as I want to be?
do I come across wrong to other people?
what have I done to make my own brother hate me SO much?
And then, because of the absolute abandonment and betrayal by my closest blood relatives, I am distrustful and sceptical of anyone who claims to love or care about me. I push away anyone who tries to get close. I have convinced myself that attachment is a curse and I am much better off alone, doing my own thing.
I'll keep my friends for sure! But anything closer is an emotional time-bomb.
And right now, I feel determined and mad enough to stick with my belief that anyone I love, anyone I get attached to, anyone who claims to care about me, WILL walk away and abandon me.
And right now, I've had enough. Ugh, I know I sound angry. I am. I know I sound bitter. I am.
I've no tears left and my heart cannot hurt more than it already does.
I'm tired of being let down, treated like rubbish, taken advantage of.
I rarely feel so mad that I'd say 'fuck you all' to the world, but that is exactly what I feel like doing. Then crawling into a hole and hibernating for another long cold Melbourne winter.
Wake me when the sun is shining. I'm tired.
Thursday 21 March 2013
Dark days
Three days ago, my brother bashed me.
I went to his store with a gift for his daughter, my baby niece who I'd met only once before.
He was infuriated.
He was ready to fight.
He yelled louder than I could speak.
He shoved me stronger than I could balance on my heels.
Three times he threw me to the ground. Twice I rose, defiant at the injustice, that I would be treated this way.
To be yelled at with so much passion.
To have his finger stabbing the air right in front of my face.
To hear 'I work 6 days a week to support my family' yelled at the top of his lungs, at my face, over and over, for no apparent reason.
The third time i found myself on the ground, I didn't defy. I scrambled out of the door like an animal. He'd thrown me into furniture, I had banged my head, injured my shoulder.. the thought ran through my head 'he's not going to stop!' My shoes had flown off my feet. He at least had the courtesy to throw my handbag from the doorway of his store onto the pavement where I could collect it and its contents from the ground.
While I cried and put on my stilettos, he paced out front of his store taunting, saying I was an embarrassment, that everyone was watching and laughing at me. He told passer-bys, with a cool calm demeanor, that I was crazy and was being 'collected' shortly. It would be no wonder if they thought I was crazy, I couldn't stop crying. Not the done thing in a quiet leafy suburb like Albert Park.
He threw the gift for my niece onto the pavement near me.
Each time I tried to say something, he cut me off, his voice was bigger than mine.
I left his store stunned and hurt - emotionally as well as physically.
I was devastated that he had treated me this way yet again. Though to be completely honest, this was the worst by far.
I was totally devastated that his wife ran and hid and left me with him.
And i was bitterly outraged that his neighbour, despite my plea for help from my curled up position on the floor, walked away and did not call the police as I pleaded for his help.
And for the first time, I was ANGRY!! So angry!
Angry that he used that oldtime 1940s favourite: 'mental problems' as an excuse to condone his behavior.
Angry that I would be perceived as having mental problems by ignorant family and friends.
And I am furious at him for never being a brother.
Never being an uncle to my children. Never being an ally.
I know I have actually lost nothing. No one.
But I am angry that he has so swindled people into believing that I have 'mental' problems, so that his unprovoked violent behavior may somehow be excused when in fact I have years of post-grad medical education under my belt and worked at a senior level to state government ministers. I raised my now-teenage children as a sole parent amidst the urban city life. And I own my home in a socio-economically affluent part of town.
Despite the betrayal, I fear for the safety of his wife and of course, my baby niece with whom he has not allowed me contact since her birth.
My mother, although she was present, said nothing to condemn his abhorrent behavior. In fact, I was blamed for having chosen to personally deliver the gift to my niece.
How is it that, because it is family, everyone turned their back on such ugly and brutal violence?
That because I was beaten and sustained injuries inflicted by my brother, we wouldn't contemplate calling the police?
Just because we share the same parents does not mean he couldn't have killed me. The way he threw me around like I was trash, it was absolute feasible that he could have killed me, broken my neck or fractured my skull. I'm gutsy and I don't frighten easily. But he was beyond reason and I was scared for my life.
Although I am bruised and wear aches and grazes of my brother's attention, I am glad that our relationship has crystallized.
No longer can he say that I am welcome I their home.
No longer can he say that I am excluding myself from the baby's life.
And he can no longer stand by that great lie that he was disappointed that I didn't attend her 1st birthday party. I grieved that day. I had no idea when or where the party would be. I had not been invited not informed of the event.
And now everyone knows how hateful and violent and dishonest he is. Whether his mindless supporters choose to acknowledge that he is a violent sociopath is another story.
But I hope that this story makes its way to my sister in law and eventually to my niece because I want them to know that I will love and support them no matter what and I will always be here for them with open arms.
And for that violent sociopath, I don't care that we are related. He is disrespectful and he is violent. Neither trait have I any respect for. And his overstatement that I am never welcome at his house or in his family is unnecessary because I could never again trust him in my vicinity.
Violence against women is wrong, no matter who the perpetrator is.
Violence against women is too prevalent!! The number one killer of women aged 24-44, violence by far beats cancer as the leading cause of death and disability.
If you witness violence being inflicted upon another person, call the police! It's nothing to the witness to dial 000 but the action may mean saving the life of another.
I went to his store with a gift for his daughter, my baby niece who I'd met only once before.
He was infuriated.
He was ready to fight.
He yelled louder than I could speak.
He shoved me stronger than I could balance on my heels.
Three times he threw me to the ground. Twice I rose, defiant at the injustice, that I would be treated this way.
To be yelled at with so much passion.
To have his finger stabbing the air right in front of my face.
To hear 'I work 6 days a week to support my family' yelled at the top of his lungs, at my face, over and over, for no apparent reason.
The third time i found myself on the ground, I didn't defy. I scrambled out of the door like an animal. He'd thrown me into furniture, I had banged my head, injured my shoulder.. the thought ran through my head 'he's not going to stop!' My shoes had flown off my feet. He at least had the courtesy to throw my handbag from the doorway of his store onto the pavement where I could collect it and its contents from the ground.
While I cried and put on my stilettos, he paced out front of his store taunting, saying I was an embarrassment, that everyone was watching and laughing at me. He told passer-bys, with a cool calm demeanor, that I was crazy and was being 'collected' shortly. It would be no wonder if they thought I was crazy, I couldn't stop crying. Not the done thing in a quiet leafy suburb like Albert Park.
He threw the gift for my niece onto the pavement near me.
Each time I tried to say something, he cut me off, his voice was bigger than mine.
I left his store stunned and hurt - emotionally as well as physically.
I was devastated that he had treated me this way yet again. Though to be completely honest, this was the worst by far.
I was totally devastated that his wife ran and hid and left me with him.
And i was bitterly outraged that his neighbour, despite my plea for help from my curled up position on the floor, walked away and did not call the police as I pleaded for his help.
And for the first time, I was ANGRY!! So angry!
Angry that he used that oldtime 1940s favourite: 'mental problems' as an excuse to condone his behavior.
Angry that I would be perceived as having mental problems by ignorant family and friends.
And I am furious at him for never being a brother.
Never being an uncle to my children. Never being an ally.
I know I have actually lost nothing. No one.
But I am angry that he has so swindled people into believing that I have 'mental' problems, so that his unprovoked violent behavior may somehow be excused when in fact I have years of post-grad medical education under my belt and worked at a senior level to state government ministers. I raised my now-teenage children as a sole parent amidst the urban city life. And I own my home in a socio-economically affluent part of town.
Despite the betrayal, I fear for the safety of his wife and of course, my baby niece with whom he has not allowed me contact since her birth.
My mother, although she was present, said nothing to condemn his abhorrent behavior. In fact, I was blamed for having chosen to personally deliver the gift to my niece.
How is it that, because it is family, everyone turned their back on such ugly and brutal violence?
That because I was beaten and sustained injuries inflicted by my brother, we wouldn't contemplate calling the police?
Just because we share the same parents does not mean he couldn't have killed me. The way he threw me around like I was trash, it was absolute feasible that he could have killed me, broken my neck or fractured my skull. I'm gutsy and I don't frighten easily. But he was beyond reason and I was scared for my life.
Although I am bruised and wear aches and grazes of my brother's attention, I am glad that our relationship has crystallized.
No longer can he say that I am welcome I their home.
No longer can he say that I am excluding myself from the baby's life.
And he can no longer stand by that great lie that he was disappointed that I didn't attend her 1st birthday party. I grieved that day. I had no idea when or where the party would be. I had not been invited not informed of the event.
And now everyone knows how hateful and violent and dishonest he is. Whether his mindless supporters choose to acknowledge that he is a violent sociopath is another story.
But I hope that this story makes its way to my sister in law and eventually to my niece because I want them to know that I will love and support them no matter what and I will always be here for them with open arms.
And for that violent sociopath, I don't care that we are related. He is disrespectful and he is violent. Neither trait have I any respect for. And his overstatement that I am never welcome at his house or in his family is unnecessary because I could never again trust him in my vicinity.
Violence against women is wrong, no matter who the perpetrator is.
Violence against women is too prevalent!! The number one killer of women aged 24-44, violence by far beats cancer as the leading cause of death and disability.
If you witness violence being inflicted upon another person, call the police! It's nothing to the witness to dial 000 but the action may mean saving the life of another.
Saturday 16 March 2013
Flux
Sometimes don't you feel like you don't sit easily in the world?
Sometimes, don't you feel itchy in your own skin? Like you want to run but you don't know where.
Or you want to fly but your wings are gone.
Saturday night in the city and I'm melancholy.
Staring out at the black shining streets below, reflecting street lights as lost rain drip drip drips down drainpipes.
And I realise that I am not ready for winter.
And I realise that the world is bigger than Melbourne.
And I realise that I need to feel the wind on my face and the horizon in my heart.
I need those things so bad it hurts.
I can almost feel the squeeze on my chest of the smallness of my tiny life.
Like a black hole, a singularity under so much pressure, it feels heavy too heavy.
Why are others so content and so happy to just be? To find routine and continue with routine day in day out with diligent and blinkered dedication to never changing?
Why must I always feel the need to move? To be on the move and moving or to feel death rotting out my body from the inside.
How is it that I can never allow myself to feel comfortable? To feel contented? To feel comfort?
It is like I am scared of sitting still.
Scared of sameness.
Scared of routine and order and familiarity.
And I wonder if this is naturally the human condition?
And if so, where roams my nomadic kin?
And do they care that my wings are gone and my heart is dry?
My eyes remain upon the horizon, that draw to someplace, that place, the wherever other not-here place.
And I will not stare at the ground.
Sometimes, don't you feel itchy in your own skin? Like you want to run but you don't know where.
Or you want to fly but your wings are gone.
Saturday night in the city and I'm melancholy.
Staring out at the black shining streets below, reflecting street lights as lost rain drip drip drips down drainpipes.
And I realise that I am not ready for winter.
And I realise that the world is bigger than Melbourne.
And I realise that I need to feel the wind on my face and the horizon in my heart.
I need those things so bad it hurts.
I can almost feel the squeeze on my chest of the smallness of my tiny life.
Like a black hole, a singularity under so much pressure, it feels heavy too heavy.
Why are others so content and so happy to just be? To find routine and continue with routine day in day out with diligent and blinkered dedication to never changing?
Why must I always feel the need to move? To be on the move and moving or to feel death rotting out my body from the inside.
How is it that I can never allow myself to feel comfortable? To feel contented? To feel comfort?
It is like I am scared of sitting still.
Scared of sameness.
Scared of routine and order and familiarity.
And I wonder if this is naturally the human condition?
And if so, where roams my nomadic kin?
And do they care that my wings are gone and my heart is dry?
My eyes remain upon the horizon, that draw to someplace, that place, the wherever other not-here place.
And I will not stare at the ground.
Friday 1 March 2013
White Night Melbourne!
Oh what a night!
The city positively lit up, opened up and turned it on!
From 7pm to 7am Melbourne did provide! Roving performers, light displays and a feast of spectacles to please every appetite!
Flinders St Station steps was turned into a stage where bands performed all night long! I had the joygasmic pleasure of seeing Cat Empire perform an awesome hour long set atop those stairs at 2am. The band, complete with fiesty back up dancing girls, grooved through many of the ol faves as well as a few tunes from their new about to be released album!
Across the crowd, Fed Sq was packed with revellers enjoying a feast of light and sound that continued up way Swanston St and down St Kilda Rd where patrons spilled out of the wonderful world of the Spiegeltent.
Everywhere, building facades were transformed into dynamic and oftentimes mesmerizing displays of colour and whimsy that held whole populations rapt.
Best of all, as I strolled home content and just tired enough with my houseguest, everywhere we went, everyone we passed, was smiling and relaxed. Despite the lateness of the hour, despite the consumption of alcohol, there was no aggressive or violent behaviour to be seen!
Oh Melbourne! Thank you for an awesome amazing fantastical night.. and morning.. ;)
The city positively lit up, opened up and turned it on!
 |
| My lane way was transformed into a light spectacular! But I wasn't home to see it! |
 |
| Flinders St Station light up and provided a stage for bands. All. Night. Long! |
 |
| Awesome photo I know.. this is the Cat Empire performing out front of Flinders St Station.. as if I had to tell you. |
Across the crowd, Fed Sq was packed with revellers enjoying a feast of light and sound that continued up way Swanston St and down St Kilda Rd where patrons spilled out of the wonderful world of the Spiegeltent.
Everywhere, building facades were transformed into dynamic and oftentimes mesmerizing displays of colour and whimsy that held whole populations rapt.
Best of all, as I strolled home content and just tired enough with my houseguest, everywhere we went, everyone we passed, was smiling and relaxed. Despite the lateness of the hour, despite the consumption of alcohol, there was no aggressive or violent behaviour to be seen!
| As my houseguest had just landed in Melbourne that afternoon, it was quite the welcome for him! One I proudly showed him with as vibrant enthusiasm as my beautiful city! She fluttered her eyelashes over bare shoulder and she had us in awe! |
Oh Melbourne! Thank you for an awesome amazing fantastical night.. and morning.. ;)
Friday 22 February 2013
A little rant
I am!!
I'm becoming one of those people!
You know those people who make sweeping generalizations about the opposite sex?
Their sentences usually start with 'All men..' or 'All women..'.
I have finally entered the exclusive club of jaded cynical women.
And I finally understand how they got to the state they're in. It really does pay to walk a mile in someone else's shoes!
Of all the men - some I've used for sex, some I've adored at arms length, all were debriefed in varying intensity on my new No Relationship policy - and there have been many, like going through a jar of jelly beans.. so delicious and fun at first, to dig deep into the pile and feel their cool smoothness then bite into the crusty gelatin sweetness, ascertaining which colored flavor is best!
But then you get tired of the jelly beans. Their flavors start merging into one general cloying sweetness. At a grand scale they all taste the same.
But of course the couple flavors you really like disappear first. They're most likely scarce to begin with.
Soon you're left with just the crappy green and yellow ones. The ones no one else wants. The lackluster ones. The ones with no personality. The tiny and misshapen ones.
And then just like that, you're over jelly beans. Even if a shiny red one sashayed into the jar you wouldn't have the stamina to eat him.
Because you already know. All the red ones are the same.
And if I may continue for just a moment longer with my analogy, I believe it may be the red ones that spoil it for the rest.
It's those that I want most. Those that I miss most. Those that I want more time with.
And when they are gone, they leave a grey pallor over everything.
Even as i write this, I think of the men that are my red jelly beans. Less frequent contact over the weeks lead to them moving on.
And fair enough. Even if I didn't say anything, they knew, my heart wasn't in it.
I was never going to be their girl.
I'm becoming one of those people!
You know those people who make sweeping generalizations about the opposite sex?
Their sentences usually start with 'All men..' or 'All women..'.
I have finally entered the exclusive club of jaded cynical women.
And I finally understand how they got to the state they're in. It really does pay to walk a mile in someone else's shoes!
Of all the men - some I've used for sex, some I've adored at arms length, all were debriefed in varying intensity on my new No Relationship policy - and there have been many, like going through a jar of jelly beans.. so delicious and fun at first, to dig deep into the pile and feel their cool smoothness then bite into the crusty gelatin sweetness, ascertaining which colored flavor is best!
But then you get tired of the jelly beans. Their flavors start merging into one general cloying sweetness. At a grand scale they all taste the same.
But of course the couple flavors you really like disappear first. They're most likely scarce to begin with.
Soon you're left with just the crappy green and yellow ones. The ones no one else wants. The lackluster ones. The ones with no personality. The tiny and misshapen ones.
And then just like that, you're over jelly beans. Even if a shiny red one sashayed into the jar you wouldn't have the stamina to eat him.
Because you already know. All the red ones are the same.
And if I may continue for just a moment longer with my analogy, I believe it may be the red ones that spoil it for the rest.
It's those that I want most. Those that I miss most. Those that I want more time with.
And when they are gone, they leave a grey pallor over everything.
Even as i write this, I think of the men that are my red jelly beans. Less frequent contact over the weeks lead to them moving on.
And fair enough. Even if I didn't say anything, they knew, my heart wasn't in it.
I was never going to be their girl.
Halcyon days
Today I reached Nirvana.
I didn't mean to. I was lying upon a clean enclave of beach at Port Melbourne, admiring the huge blue sky and calm clear water when I felt at once immense peace and exhilaration.
The beauty of the moment was more than I could bear and squeezed tears from my heart. It was the first time I'd felt so connected to the universe and the first time i'd been so acutely made aware that i was a spiritual being bound to the earth.
It was one of those momentous moments that I remember having, at age 19.
One of the perks of acid, I'm sure.
But now, perhaps early onset dementia. Hahaha!
I didn't mean to. I was lying upon a clean enclave of beach at Port Melbourne, admiring the huge blue sky and calm clear water when I felt at once immense peace and exhilaration.
The beauty of the moment was more than I could bear and squeezed tears from my heart. It was the first time I'd felt so connected to the universe and the first time i'd been so acutely made aware that i was a spiritual being bound to the earth.
It was one of those momentous moments that I remember having, at age 19.
One of the perks of acid, I'm sure.
But now, perhaps early onset dementia. Hahaha!
Tuesday 12 February 2013
On Love.. hahahaha!
Online dating has become something akin to Facebook!
A few short years ago it was something spoken about in hushed tones, unfamiliar to many and an avant garde way to meet people.
But that perception was truly blown out of the water for me this past weekend. At a girls night out, the 8 of us dressed casually elegant and dining in a hip Richmond eating restaurant (Daniel Jackson (go tiges!) was there, he'll vouch for my good behavior) openly discussed our respective online dating profiles. Out came the phones to show and compare photos of the unlikely matches with hopeful/delusional men of all shapes and sizes..
Most of them short.
Most of them, um, portly.
And so many grey balding heads it's like swimming with dophins!
The girls at dinner that didn't know me so well were surprised to see my age, stating they didn't think I was that old (this was the highlight of my night because as you know, I'd already reduced my age to circumvent the hate-mail from bitchy guys claiming I was putting up old photos of myself! assholes..)
And while I meet enough people in my day to day life, it's great to extend the circles sometimes, to meet people and go places i wouldn't ordinarily go. Afterall, life is all about experiences and experincING! Since being online, my life reads a little like a SpotWhat book: A marine, a Blue Mountains hike til I'm pooped, Philip Island by m'bike and Chin Chin food til I'm stoofed!
Okay, maybe poetry isn't my forte..
And yeah, you do meet people you may not want within 10-inches of you (or like I say to my friends 'i wouldn't touch him with yours') there's not one time on a date that i've felt unsafe or so unhappy that i've had to make up an excuse to leave. And reaslistically, if I was serious about finding a partner to settle down, move to the 'burbs, have children and a big mortgage with.. well, i'd get gran to find me a good ethnic boy.
This life is young and I'm not ready to settle. I get more attention than i know what to do with and it's fine.
Besides, if i hooked up with a partner, who would keep my BFF company!??
A few short years ago it was something spoken about in hushed tones, unfamiliar to many and an avant garde way to meet people.
But that perception was truly blown out of the water for me this past weekend. At a girls night out, the 8 of us dressed casually elegant and dining in a hip Richmond eating restaurant (Daniel Jackson (go tiges!) was there, he'll vouch for my good behavior) openly discussed our respective online dating profiles. Out came the phones to show and compare photos of the unlikely matches with hopeful/delusional men of all shapes and sizes..
Most of them short.
Most of them, um, portly.
And so many grey balding heads it's like swimming with dophins!
 |
| this little guy is an exception.. he says he's 24 but he actually meant to be clever and say 2 TIMES 4 (= 8 years old) |
The girls at dinner that didn't know me so well were surprised to see my age, stating they didn't think I was that old (this was the highlight of my night because as you know, I'd already reduced my age to circumvent the hate-mail from bitchy guys claiming I was putting up old photos of myself! assholes..)
 |
| oh come oooon!! we can get a man on the moon but we can't take a clear photo with our freakin' self-focussing camera!! you know what would be 'magic' mike? FOCUS!! |
Okay, maybe poetry isn't my forte..
And yeah, you do meet people you may not want within 10-inches of you (or like I say to my friends 'i wouldn't touch him with yours') there's not one time on a date that i've felt unsafe or so unhappy that i've had to make up an excuse to leave. And reaslistically, if I was serious about finding a partner to settle down, move to the 'burbs, have children and a big mortgage with.. well, i'd get gran to find me a good ethnic boy.
 |
| does michelle obama know her husband is living in melbourne?? |
This life is young and I'm not ready to settle. I get more attention than i know what to do with and it's fine.
Besides, if i hooked up with a partner, who would keep my BFF company!??
 |
| and then there's this guy.. speaking of people and places.. this is an example of somewhere i DON'T want to go.. |
Wednesday 6 February 2013
SuperBowl Sunday (on Monday!)
I know I'm a few days late but I had to share my very first SuperBowl experience with y'all!
Firstly, I was supposed to hit The Precinct in Richmond by 10am but my American girl had to go to work at the last minute! So instead, I joined the crowds at Fed Square to watch the game on the big screen.
Any thought I had of being able to understand the game by watching it went out the window in the first 10 seconds!
For a start, I couldn't understand a thing! Secondly, I had no idea what was going on!
But armed with my breakfast chocolate, bottle of Coke and my biography on polygamy (polygyny to be specific) I stuck around for four hours while men in tights did 4 seconds of play and the spectators sat through 40 minutes of television commercials..
A slightly frustrating stop-start game to too off my cluelessness about the rules.
Also frustrating, when people walk around with their big heads wedged firmly up their ass with absolutely no idea that other people exist. I can understand that the Melbourne CBD, like all capital cities,must have a perception to some as being completely devoid of other people.
So it should not have been a surprise when, on two separate occasions, a group of people exiting a nearby restaurant, would stand in front of me, to have a lengthy chat. Not once did any of the parties think to turn around and consider the people whose views of the big screen, they were blocking.
Sooo I did what any good natured brat would do. I packed up my breakfast (my chocolate bar became leftovers for lunch - yewww!) and casually strolled over to stand right in front of them.
Sure they probably didn't care or even notice for that matter. But boy did I feel awesomely empowered for doing it!
That's me folks, taking the power back ;)
Firstly, I was supposed to hit The Precinct in Richmond by 10am but my American girl had to go to work at the last minute! So instead, I joined the crowds at Fed Square to watch the game on the big screen.
Any thought I had of being able to understand the game by watching it went out the window in the first 10 seconds!
For a start, I couldn't understand a thing! Secondly, I had no idea what was going on!
But armed with my breakfast chocolate, bottle of Coke and my biography on polygamy (polygyny to be specific) I stuck around for four hours while men in tights did 4 seconds of play and the spectators sat through 40 minutes of television commercials..
A slightly frustrating stop-start game to too off my cluelessness about the rules.
Also frustrating, when people walk around with their big heads wedged firmly up their ass with absolutely no idea that other people exist. I can understand that the Melbourne CBD, like all capital cities,must have a perception to some as being completely devoid of other people.
So it should not have been a surprise when, on two separate occasions, a group of people exiting a nearby restaurant, would stand in front of me, to have a lengthy chat. Not once did any of the parties think to turn around and consider the people whose views of the big screen, they were blocking.
Sooo I did what any good natured brat would do. I packed up my breakfast (my chocolate bar became leftovers for lunch - yewww!) and casually strolled over to stand right in front of them.
Sure they probably didn't care or even notice for that matter. But boy did I feel awesomely empowered for doing it!
That's me folks, taking the power back ;)
Sunday 3 February 2013
St Kilda Festival
Aaaah Melbourne! Sometimes you are heaven on earth!
The scheduled 22C day turned into a gorgeous sun-filled clear sky day! As I am wont to do, I grabbed a cardigan and left off the sunscreen and as I type this, am enveloped in the warm glow of a slight sunburn. Yeeeeahhh :D
Initially I was drawn to the promise of the awesome food of Bala's Indian-Thai tasty spicy fusion in St Kilda but upon arriving, found the entire area dedicated to the colorful festivities of a Pride Parade.
I'm not a sheltered young thing by any means, but the sights of Fitzroy St, at times, had my mouth agape. Stunningly beautiful drag queens dressed to the nines, big lesbian girls in midriff t-shirts and short shorts, and everywhere, the colorful smiles of acceptance.
St Kilda, sometimes you actually do impress me.
The scheduled 22C day turned into a gorgeous sun-filled clear sky day! As I am wont to do, I grabbed a cardigan and left off the sunscreen and as I type this, am enveloped in the warm glow of a slight sunburn. Yeeeeahhh :D
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| 'italian lezzo' on fitzroy st |
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| the irish guy and the french guy.. aka hairy and spotty.. |
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| some of the colour of the esplanade of st kilda |
I'm not a sheltered young thing by any means, but the sights of Fitzroy St, at times, had my mouth agape. Stunningly beautiful drag queens dressed to the nines, big lesbian girls in midriff t-shirts and short shorts, and everywhere, the colorful smiles of acceptance.
St Kilda, sometimes you actually do impress me.
Friday 1 February 2013
Valentine's Day Specials!
Darlings! Valentine's Day is coming up!
What are you going to do to suprise your loved one? No not the cheesy same ol' dinner at La Porchetta and overpriced roses!
Consider a classic shoot with your lover (or lovers!) to celebrate the moment.
Bookings for location shoots across Melbourne are now welcome! All pics will be supplied on your very own USB and I'll personally guarantee a minimum of 25 beautiful quality shots that you'll be proud to call your own!
In recognition of St Valentine's Day, the first three to inbox me at Shotgun Photograhy Facebook page will receive a bonus 6"x8" print of your choice.
All shoots booked in February, will be enjoyed with St Valentines goodies on shoot. Exciting!!
If you haven't 'liked' Shotgun Photography already, what are you waiting for!?
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Shotgun-Photography/411640275586152
What are you going to do to suprise your loved one? No not the cheesy same ol' dinner at La Porchetta and overpriced roses!
Consider a classic shoot with your lover (or lovers!) to celebrate the moment.
Bookings for location shoots across Melbourne are now welcome! All pics will be supplied on your very own USB and I'll personally guarantee a minimum of 25 beautiful quality shots that you'll be proud to call your own!
In recognition of St Valentine's Day, the first three to inbox me at Shotgun Photograhy Facebook page will receive a bonus 6"x8" print of your choice.
All shoots booked in February, will be enjoyed with St Valentines goodies on shoot. Exciting!!
If you haven't 'liked' Shotgun Photography already, what are you waiting for!?
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Shotgun-Photography/411640275586152
Tuesday 29 January 2013
It's finally arrived!! Here it is!!!
Darlings!! You're the first to know! My very first Facebook business page is up!
I'll be adding more albums to the site as we go along. For now I have uploaded some examples of shoots including a gorgeous South American model, an accomplished author and an original designed business in Albert Park.
Not to forget the little collection of boudoir pics..
Which are totally do-able because I'm not just a mobile and off-site photographer (i.e. I come to you!!) I also have a tasteful central CBD studio right here, yes dear readers, right here in my very own apartment in the 102-year old, exposed brick wall, 16ft ceilings of the Manchester House building.
If you're on Facebook, if you're into photography and most especially, if you need a photographer for any memory making event* for you and/or your loved ones**, come say hello!
Check me out here:
https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Shotgun-Photography/411640275586152?fref=ts
* memory making events include: public holiday BBQs; First Holy Communions; day trip to the beach, countryside or farmer's market; bar mitzvahs; births, deaths, marriages; birthdays or any other event you want treasured memories of..
** loved ones include: family; friends; neighbours; children; cats; dogs; and any other animate or inanimate object you desire..
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| Shotgun Photography.. no longer using iphone 3 to take photos.. ! |
I'll be adding more albums to the site as we go along. For now I have uploaded some examples of shoots including a gorgeous South American model, an accomplished author and an original designed business in Albert Park.
 |
| water lily |
Which are totally do-able because I'm not just a mobile and off-site photographer (i.e. I come to you!!) I also have a tasteful central CBD studio right here, yes dear readers, right here in my very own apartment in the 102-year old, exposed brick wall, 16ft ceilings of the Manchester House building.
 |
| balinese ladies |
If you're on Facebook, if you're into photography and most especially, if you need a photographer for any memory making event* for you and/or your loved ones**, come say hello!
Check me out here:
https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Shotgun-Photography/411640275586152?fref=ts
* memory making events include: public holiday BBQs; First Holy Communions; day trip to the beach, countryside or farmer's market; bar mitzvahs; births, deaths, marriages; birthdays or any other event you want treasured memories of..
** loved ones include: family; friends; neighbours; children; cats; dogs; and any other animate or inanimate object you desire..
Thursday 24 January 2013
Thirty-seven-degree Thursday!
Days like this, I can only smile!!
Today I got to carry out my New Years resolution (remember what it was? hint: to work on my tan! okay that wasn't a hint so much as just telling you outright!). And it's always a good feeling to stick to our New Years resolutions, don't you think? ** smile **
Before my little trek to the Albert Park beachside, I met BFF to try out a new coffee place on the main drag of Albert Park. We initially just wanted coffee at The Petty Officer, but the staff were so damn polite, attentive and friendly (** smile **) that we made full use of the umbrella-ed street seating and the gentle, cooling sea breeze (** smile **), and settled in for coffees and snacks. The fresh muffins had sold out by midday so I chose a pistachio and strawberry friand instead. A tough choice with all the delectable looking treats by the counter! To say nothing of their breakfast and lunch menu! If not for laying on the beach in bikini I would most definitely have tucked into any of the delicious and wholesome offerings on the menu. ** smile **
Two hours of hiding under the umbrella with my legs poking out to catch the sun (** smile **), and BFF and I parted ways so I could enact a sun-sacrifice for the afternoon whilst reading my autobiographical novel on polygyny (** smile **).. (Mormons.. Salt Lake City.. that kinda unsexy, God-sanctioned polygyny).
On my return from the beach, I bumped into my baby niece (** smile!!**)!!!
Darlings you might not think that's anything extraordinary, but I have not seen this baby since she was just a few days old! Her father (my brother) and I have not spoken since he didn't even let me know she'd been born!
So to see her today, with her nanny, was a real treat!! She was a solid babe, chubby thighs, little curling blonde hair and just four tiny teeth. I spent as long as I could with her, squeezing her chubby little body until she grunted and pushed me away, indignant. She certainly had personality!
** SMILE **
Her nanny took a bunch of cheesy pics of me cuddling and squishing my niece, then we promptly head to the famous Jock's Ice Creamery for awesome amazing homemade ice cream.
But not for me, no.
Because tomorrow is another hot day!
And a hot day means beach!
And beach equals bikini.
** SMILE **
At least until the winter clouds roll in.
For now, I'll just continue to enjoy and to ** SMILE **
Today I got to carry out my New Years resolution (remember what it was? hint: to work on my tan! okay that wasn't a hint so much as just telling you outright!). And it's always a good feeling to stick to our New Years resolutions, don't you think? ** smile **
Before my little trek to the Albert Park beachside, I met BFF to try out a new coffee place on the main drag of Albert Park. We initially just wanted coffee at The Petty Officer, but the staff were so damn polite, attentive and friendly (** smile **) that we made full use of the umbrella-ed street seating and the gentle, cooling sea breeze (** smile **), and settled in for coffees and snacks. The fresh muffins had sold out by midday so I chose a pistachio and strawberry friand instead. A tough choice with all the delectable looking treats by the counter! To say nothing of their breakfast and lunch menu! If not for laying on the beach in bikini I would most definitely have tucked into any of the delicious and wholesome offerings on the menu. ** smile **
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| naaaaw.. with love from the petty officer.. |
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| the petty officer.. looking inside from my cosy kerbside vantage point 'neath big umbrella |
Darlings you might not think that's anything extraordinary, but I have not seen this baby since she was just a few days old! Her father (my brother) and I have not spoken since he didn't even let me know she'd been born!
So to see her today, with her nanny, was a real treat!! She was a solid babe, chubby thighs, little curling blonde hair and just four tiny teeth. I spent as long as I could with her, squeezing her chubby little body until she grunted and pushed me away, indignant. She certainly had personality!
** SMILE **
Her nanny took a bunch of cheesy pics of me cuddling and squishing my niece, then we promptly head to the famous Jock's Ice Creamery for awesome amazing homemade ice cream.
But not for me, no.
Because tomorrow is another hot day!
And a hot day means beach!
And beach equals bikini.
** SMILE **
| So I'll hold off on eating too many delicious things. |
For now, I'll just continue to enjoy and to ** SMILE **
Wednesday 23 January 2013
Holy Twirlin' Taters, Batman!
Wednesday was the perfect day.
You want to know why, darlings? Well, I'm going to have to tell you cos if I don't, this will be a very brief blog!
Wednesday.. lets see, where to start..
Lets go in chronological order (which I hope means 'as things happened..' !)
So número one-oh.. it was sunny (I know I go on about it ALL. THE. TIME. But I live in Melbourne! A clear sky is an event in itself!)
Onto número duo.. I was invited to coffee by the man I'm going to marry.. (this may come as a surprise to you darlings, certainly I did surprise myself.. ). He then sent me a couple of follow up text messages which BFF and I deconstructed, over-analysed and read way too much into.. (you know, just to relish the happy 'crush' feeling..)
And número trio.. another Wednesday evening at the halcyon Suzuki Night Market held each summer at the illustrious Queen Victoria Market.. not just hanging out in the last of the days bountiful sunshine, not just drinking sangria.. but for the twirly potato on a stick!
BFF and I became absolutely mesmerized by the popularity of a twirly potato on a stick! We calculated that they were selling an average of 200/hr of those impressive lookin' babies. And at $6 a pop.. well, you do the math.. upward of $5500 for an evenings work.
So while we're innovatively and creatively trying to fill our lives with meaningful and productive work.. no, to appeal to the masses it seems all you need is a deep fryer and chicken salt. Simple as that!
It takes the KISS approach into undignifying territory.. Where's the 'Idiots Guide to..' dealing with that!!?
You want to know why, darlings? Well, I'm going to have to tell you cos if I don't, this will be a very brief blog!
Wednesday.. lets see, where to start..
Lets go in chronological order (which I hope means 'as things happened..' !)
So número one-oh.. it was sunny (I know I go on about it ALL. THE. TIME. But I live in Melbourne! A clear sky is an event in itself!)
Onto número duo.. I was invited to coffee by the man I'm going to marry.. (this may come as a surprise to you darlings, certainly I did surprise myself.. ). He then sent me a couple of follow up text messages which BFF and I deconstructed, over-analysed and read way too much into.. (you know, just to relish the happy 'crush' feeling..)
And número trio.. another Wednesday evening at the halcyon Suzuki Night Market held each summer at the illustrious Queen Victoria Market.. not just hanging out in the last of the days bountiful sunshine, not just drinking sangria.. but for the twirly potato on a stick!
 |
| Suzuki Night Market.. don't worry, night was a'comin'.. |
BFF and I became absolutely mesmerized by the popularity of a twirly potato on a stick! We calculated that they were selling an average of 200/hr of those impressive lookin' babies. And at $6 a pop.. well, you do the math.. upward of $5500 for an evenings work.
 |
| $18 worth of potato right there! or $3/kg at your local coles.. |
It takes the KISS approach into undignifying territory.. Where's the 'Idiots Guide to..' dealing with that!!?
Tuesday 22 January 2013
Tumblin' Tuesday
Let me be clear about this. To you, my darlings and to my own self - I do not want a relationship.
Clearly I am not ready to have any kind of ongoing committed attachment to anyone, since my heart is still healing and I've only just begun to dry my eyes.
So when my sometime lunch buddy/sleepover buddy held me accountable for lost time during a girls nite out (and lets face it, all my nights out are girls only.. don't want any partners to cramp our style!) I was a bit surprised.
"The other night when I said I wasn't horny just a snuggle you weren't interested! Then last night you just stop [texting]? "
When he then gave me the cold shoulder and proceeded to ignore me the next day, I was confused.
"Today I was busy not dismissive."
And when I confronted him with the question 'were you mad at me..' and he admitted that yes indeed he was.. well, then I was annoyed.
Mostly I was annoyed because his version of the story had me out all night and half the next day with a man, having sex and all kindsa things I could only dream about! When all I was doing was having a good time, dancing, drinking with random strangers and my BFF and then home to bed alone, sound asleep.
I also felt plain freaked out! The idea of a man keeping tabs on me does not sit well.
I do not want to belong to any man.
I do not want to be accountable to any man.
The thought of being in a relationship puts a huge weight on me, like an ill-fitting coat. Twenty sizes too big. And made of lead.
I make it clear to each and every man I meet that I am single by choice; that I do not want a boyfriend; and that I'll date but I don't want anything serious. Given the stereotypical man, you'd think they'd jump at this awesome no-strings deal! But instead I'm finding that they want me all to themselves, that they want to own me.
Something to keep in mind, darlings. The very thought of something we can't own running around in public only makes us want to own it a million times more for fear that it will become someone else's. That might sound a bit abstract but it makes sense.
For my situation, I let him know I was annoyed that I'd been mis-judged. (Of course I didn't tell him that had the right guy (read: hot!) come along it's perfectly possible I'd have gone home with him. I'm not ready for exclusive monogamy just yet.)
He sent flowers and all was forgiven.
Dear ones, remember this, it's easy to forgive when your heart isn't involved.
Clearly I am not ready to have any kind of ongoing committed attachment to anyone, since my heart is still healing and I've only just begun to dry my eyes.
So when my sometime lunch buddy/sleepover buddy held me accountable for lost time during a girls nite out (and lets face it, all my nights out are girls only.. don't want any partners to cramp our style!) I was a bit surprised.
"The other night when I said I wasn't horny just a snuggle you weren't interested! Then last night you just stop [texting]? "
When he then gave me the cold shoulder and proceeded to ignore me the next day, I was confused.
"Today I was busy not dismissive."
And when I confronted him with the question 'were you mad at me..' and he admitted that yes indeed he was.. well, then I was annoyed.
Mostly I was annoyed because his version of the story had me out all night and half the next day with a man, having sex and all kindsa things I could only dream about! When all I was doing was having a good time, dancing, drinking with random strangers and my BFF and then home to bed alone, sound asleep.
I also felt plain freaked out! The idea of a man keeping tabs on me does not sit well.
I do not want to belong to any man.
I do not want to be accountable to any man.
The thought of being in a relationship puts a huge weight on me, like an ill-fitting coat. Twenty sizes too big. And made of lead.
I make it clear to each and every man I meet that I am single by choice; that I do not want a boyfriend; and that I'll date but I don't want anything serious. Given the stereotypical man, you'd think they'd jump at this awesome no-strings deal! But instead I'm finding that they want me all to themselves, that they want to own me.
Something to keep in mind, darlings. The very thought of something we can't own running around in public only makes us want to own it a million times more for fear that it will become someone else's. That might sound a bit abstract but it makes sense.
For my situation, I let him know I was annoyed that I'd been mis-judged. (Of course I didn't tell him that had the right guy (read: hot!) come along it's perfectly possible I'd have gone home with him. I'm not ready for exclusive monogamy just yet.)
He sent flowers and all was forgiven.
Dear ones, remember this, it's easy to forgive when your heart isn't involved.
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