A little rant

I am!!
I'm becoming one of those people!

You know those people who make sweeping generalizations about the opposite sex?
Their sentences usually start with 'All men..' or 'All women..'.

I have finally entered the exclusive club of jaded cynical women.
And I finally understand how they got to the state they're in. It really does pay to walk a mile in someone else's shoes!

Of all the men - some I've used for sex, some I've adored at arms length, all were debriefed in varying intensity on my new No Relationship policy - and there have been many, like going through a jar of jelly beans.. so delicious and fun at first, to dig deep into the pile and feel their cool smoothness then bite into the crusty gelatin sweetness, ascertaining which colored flavor is best!

But then you get tired of the jelly beans. Their flavors start merging into one general cloying sweetness. At a grand scale they all taste the same.

But of course the couple flavors you really like disappear first. They're most likely scarce to begin with.

Soon you're left with just the crappy green and yellow ones. The ones no one else wants. The lackluster ones. The ones with no personality. The tiny and misshapen ones.

And then just like that, you're over jelly beans. Even if a shiny red one sashayed into the jar you wouldn't have the stamina to eat him.

Because you already know. All the red ones are the same.

And if I may continue for just a moment longer with my analogy, I believe it may be the red ones that spoil it for the rest.

It's those that I want most. Those that I miss most. Those that I want more time with.

And when they are gone, they leave a grey pallor over everything.

Even as i write this, I think of the men that are my red jelly beans. Less frequent contact over the weeks lead to them moving on.

And fair enough. Even if I didn't say anything, they knew, my heart wasn't in it.

I was never going to be their girl.

Halcyon days

Today I reached Nirvana.

I didn't mean to. I was lying upon a clean enclave of beach at Port Melbourne, admiring the huge blue sky and calm clear water when I felt at once immense peace and exhilaration.

The beauty of the moment was more than I could bear and squeezed tears from my heart. It was the first time I'd felt so connected to the universe and the first time i'd been so acutely made aware that i was a spiritual being bound to the earth.

It was one of those momentous moments that I remember having, at age 19.

One of the perks of acid, I'm sure.

But now, perhaps early onset dementia. Hahaha!

On Love.. hahahaha!

Online dating has become something akin to Facebook!

A few short years ago it was something spoken about in hushed tones, unfamiliar to many and an avant garde way to meet people.

But that perception was truly blown out of the water for me this past weekend. At a girls night out, the 8 of us dressed casually elegant and dining in a hip Richmond eating restaurant (Daniel Jackson (go tiges!) was there, he'll vouch for my good behavior) openly discussed our respective online dating profiles. Out came the phones to show and compare photos of the unlikely matches with hopeful/delusional men of all shapes and sizes..

Most of them short.
Most of them, um, portly.
And so many grey balding heads it's like swimming with dophins!

this little guy is an exception.. he says he's 24 but he actually meant to be clever and say 2 TIMES 4 (= 8 years old)

The girls at dinner that didn't know me so well were surprised to see my age, stating they didn't think I was that old (this was the highlight of my night because as you know, I'd already reduced my age to circumvent the hate-mail from bitchy guys claiming I was putting up old photos of myself! assholes..)  



oh come oooon!! we can get a man on the moon but we can't take a clear photo with our freakin' self-focussing camera!! you know what would be 'magic' mike? FOCUS!!

 And while I meet enough people in my day to day life, it's great to extend the circles sometimes, to meet people and go places i wouldn't ordinarily go. Afterall, life is all about experiences and experincING! Since being online, my life reads a little like a SpotWhat book: A marine, a Blue Mountains hike til I'm pooped, Philip Island by m'bike and Chin Chin food til I'm stoofed!

Okay, maybe poetry isn't my forte..

And yeah, you do meet people you may not want within 10-inches of you (or like I say to my friends 'i wouldn't touch him with yours') there's not one time on a date that i've felt unsafe or so unhappy that i've had to make up an excuse to leave. And reaslistically, if I was serious about finding a partner to settle down, move to the 'burbs, have children and a big mortgage with.. well, i'd get gran to find me a good ethnic boy.

does michelle obama know her husband is living in melbourne??

This life is young and I'm not ready to settle. I get more attention than i know what to do with and it's fine.

Besides, if i hooked up with a partner, who would keep my BFF company!??

and then there's this guy.. speaking of people and places.. this is an example of somewhere i DON'T want to go..

SuperBowl Sunday (on Monday!)

I know I'm a few days late but I had to share my very first SuperBowl experience with y'all!

Firstly, I was supposed to hit The Precinct in Richmond by 10am but my American girl had to go to work at the last minute! So instead, I joined the crowds at Fed Square to watch the game on the big screen.

Any thought I had of being able to understand the game by watching it went out the window in the first 10 seconds!

For a start, I couldn't understand a thing! Secondly, I had no idea what was going on!

But armed with my breakfast chocolate, bottle of Coke and my biography on polygamy (polygyny to be specific) I stuck around for four hours while men in tights did 4 seconds of play and the spectators sat through 40 minutes of television commercials..

A slightly frustrating stop-start game to too off my cluelessness about the rules.

Also frustrating, when people walk around with their big heads wedged firmly up their ass with absolutely no idea that other people exist. I can understand that the Melbourne CBD, like all capital cities,must have a perception to some as being completely devoid of other people.

So it should not have been a surprise when, on two separate occasions, a group of people exiting a nearby restaurant, would stand in front of me, to have a lengthy chat. Not once did any of the parties think to turn around and consider the people whose views of the big screen, they were blocking.

Sooo I did what any good natured brat would do. I packed up my breakfast (my chocolate bar became leftovers for lunch - yewww!) and casually strolled over to stand right in front of them.

Sure they probably didn't care or even notice for that matter. But boy did I feel awesomely empowered for doing it!

That's me folks, taking the power back ;)

St Kilda Festival

Aaaah Melbourne! Sometimes you are heaven on earth!

The scheduled 22C day turned into a gorgeous sun-filled clear sky day! As I am wont to do, I grabbed a cardigan and left off the sunscreen and as I type this, am enveloped in the warm glow of a slight sunburn. Yeeeeahhh :D

'italian lezzo' on fitzroy st

Initially I was drawn to the promise of the awesome food of Bala's Indian-Thai tasty spicy fusion in St Kilda but upon arriving, found the entire area dedicated to the colorful festivities of a Pride Parade.

the irish guy and the french guy.. aka hairy and spotty..

some of the colour of the esplanade of st kilda

I'm not a sheltered young thing by any means, but the sights of Fitzroy St, at times, had my mouth agape. Stunningly beautiful drag queens dressed to the nines, big lesbian girls in midriff t-shirts and short shorts, and everywhere, the colorful smiles of acceptance.

St Kilda, sometimes you actually do impress me.



Valentine's Day Specials!

Darlings! Valentine's Day is coming up!

What are you going to do to suprise your loved one? No not the cheesy same ol' dinner at La Porchetta and overpriced roses!

Consider a classic shoot with your lover (or lovers!) to celebrate the moment.

Bookings for location shoots across Melbourne are now welcome! All pics will be supplied on your very own USB and I'll personally guarantee a minimum of 25 beautiful quality shots that you'll be proud to call your own!

In recognition of St Valentine's Day, the first three to inbox me at Shotgun Photograhy Facebook page will receive a bonus 6"x8" print of your choice.
All shoots booked in February, will be enjoyed with St Valentines goodies on shoot. Exciting!!

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