and it all comes tumbling down..
winter is not my season.. in fact, sun-less days are not my thing at all! I could be living on the equator, strutting around in nothing more than a bikini and sarong but if the sun slips behind the clouds, my spirit droops!
I don't want it to! believe me, life would be much easier if I weren't so tuned into my surroundings!
so this winter I am 40 years old, I am single and I am virtually unemployed.. how do you think I feel about that!?
I have to admit I don't really care about being 40 only because I don't yet look anywhere near 40.. i'm not too fussed about being single because I've always held the belief that i'd rather be alone than with someone who wasn't right for me.. and the last someone who I thought was so right for me stormed off with nary a 'thank you' and I haven't seen or heard from him again.. so it turns out he wasn't right for me afterall..
but the employment aspect is starting to get me a little worried! the little money I earn from photo shoots is barely enough to pay my bills, buy food and the occasional pair of cute boots or dress.. no longer do I live the days of extravagant spending, overseas holidays and wasteful living! and it worries me! what if I want an overseas holiday? my finances are so low that I no longer have a cushion to fall back on!
but then, no longer am I stressed to my back teeth with the pressures of work! I don't carry the stomach aches I used to have from being so uptight and anxious at work.. I don't have food intolerances or body pains that I used to get from sitting at my computer for hours, tapping out very important documents with ridiculous deadlines..
so I guess i'm feeling a bit like i'm at the crossroads right now.. do I go back to my high pressure career? do I take a more mediocre/less paying job? do I persevere with my photographic business and attempt to build it and sell it until I make millions?
i'm living the dream life but without an income I can barely enjoy it, even in a city as beautiful and diverse as Melbourne!
